Lately I just haven't been the normal, happy, go lucky person that I "mostly" am. There are various reasons why, and some I wont bother you with the details....it could have your head shaking and asking "why"! Other reasons...which I have been pondering about (in a Professor like way) and have come to accept the answer.....DEATH comes in all forms.
First off, Summer has ended....and Nature is preparing for Winter. Cold, dreary months lay ahead(now don't get me wrong, I like SNOW till Christmas...after the HOLIDAYS are wrapped up, I want WINTER gone........but it never happens that way). NOW I must clean out the Gardens, pull up DEAD Flowers and vegetables...and it just makes me sad. I know Fall offers an abundance of colour, but to me its just not the same as Spring and Summer. Colder weather and lately RAIN.....too much RAIN...has fallen to the point where I cant get outdoors and do my routine...my REFURBISHING....my other LOVE! It makes me sad(and NO, we don't have a garage or a properly vented basement), I am loosing my OUTDOOR ROOM, my back deck. There in the early weekend mornings, Hubby and I would sit with our coffee and chat...and hide away from the three kids. It was peaceful.....and now we have had to pack things up. It sits empty!
Secondly...people have been dying....some have struggled to hang onto life, others have died too quickly, with no warning...which makes me wonder about my own mortality and those that are the closest to me. Perhaps too...its a sign that we are all getting older...its inevitable. With three children...I started to wonder what would I do, if my Husband died? What would they do, if I died? What kind of funeral would I want? What would he want? It gives communication a whole new level...not just the normal "what to do for dinner tonight?" I know the basics of what Hubby wants....and its all fine and dandy....but then I started think about my Funeral.....what do I want! It came to me last night....I was awake and couldn't sleep at 1:30 AM....a close friend of the Family died on Wednesday....he was like a Brother to my Father.....I had known him all my life. Lying there awake in bed....starring at the popcorn ceiling...I started to think about him and his Funeral.....which took my back to my Grandparents Funeral(not together...THANKFULLY....two years apart) and everything that I did to get things started and seeing them buried. Then I thought about mine!
I have decided to be cremated......and I want to be sprinkled in various locations...crazy HUH!? (But think of the savings of not having a tombstone/plot). I don't want a visitation(been through enough...and for Families after a while it can get tiring...smiling, shaking hands with people you don't even know) I would rather have a small gathering....a lunch at a favourite restaurant...hopefully Milestones is still in business when I go...in 60 years...fingers crossed) and just have a good time remembering this and that. As for flowers at my gathering...I want a couple of vases of Hydrangeas, two toned coloured roses(preferably pink) and sweet peas....no CARNATIONS please! Then plan a trip(YES, to PEI)...and sprinkle me here and there! Did you get that FAMILY...that's what I want! Simple!
So... I guess with the Seasons changing, not being able to do what I LOVE and having DEATH surround me in various ways....I just have not been my normal self! I apologize to my near and Dear.....I'll try to snap out of it! I'm trying to plan various things to fill the gap....but some things take time. But I am THANKFUL that I have a LOVING Husband, THREE Dear Brats and some GREAT FRIENDS!!
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